Magazines for Girls

When I was growing up, there weren't a lot of magazines aimed at girls. I read Seventeen and then graduated to Vogue, Elle, and the like, all checked out from the library. Those magazines did little for my self-esteem. When I look at them now, they're kind of horrifying.

Luckily I was a voracious and non-discriminating reader skipping from classics like Grapes of Wrath and Nicholas and Alexandra to the trashier Mommie Dearest and Valley of the Dolls. My college years introduced me to a slew of new writers, both in fiction and poetry, along with a burgeoning zine scene. I had a broad range of influences to help counter-balance the mainstream crapola. I have always loved reading and of late, haven't been making it a priority. The hole this leaves is wide and dry.

My almost nine year old loves books of all kinds but has a penchant for non-fiction and graphic novels. She enjoys quiz books and anything highlighting weird but true facts. Her grandparents have gifted her subscriptions over the years to Puzzle Buzz, Highlights, and National Geographic for Kids. All were adored.

I'm excited about a few new magazines aimed at young girls and tweens that seem to offer a lot more than the typical hair, fashion, and boy advice of the magazines of my youth.

Kazoo is a quarterly magazine for girls 5-10 years old and started by writer and editor Erin Bried and her own 5 year old daughter. We subscribed and got the second issue a couple of weeks ago. The theme is nature and it is full of great activities and stories. We are loving it. Scary Mommy has a great profile of the magazine.

Bright Lite is another new quarterly magazine for pre-teen girls. The founders, Christa Renee and Ami Komai, are both Los Angeles moms and have created a journal for girls by girls. Here's an interview with the founders. I just contributed to their Kickstarter so should be getting the first two issues soon.

Kazoo and Brite Lite are undoubtedly influenced by Tavi Gevinson's Rookie, an online magazine aimed at teens, but often transcending that demographic. Stylistically they rely on artwork from girls presented with a sophisticated zine quality.

These magazines aren't cheap, ranging from $50-60 for quarterly subscriptions. I'm not suggesting in any way they aren't worth it, but if that is hard to justify, you might see if your library has them or share a subscription with a friend.

Discovery Girls looks slicker and not quite as hip, but claims a readership of over one million girls world-wide. Consumerism is downplayed and it focuses on how to be a good friend and make good choices. It comes out six times a year and is about $20. I'm glad it is an option and I'm going to look for it at the library to see if it is something Audrey would like.

I'm sure there are more out there and more to come. I'd love to hear about your favorites.

Mother's Day 2015

Sunday morning I took a walk in the woods with my mom, my husband, and my daughter. My mom and I lagged behind looking for large rocks for possible excavation, trying to identify a fungus growing on the hickory trees, and admiring the moss and may apples. Lindsey and Audrey were below us, already in the bed of the creek. She was talking a mile a minute and having a blast climbing over the slippery rocks, riding the fallen tree branches, and wildly exploring. She kept calling for me but I was slow not only because the hillside was so steep, but because I was taking pictures of the lichen, moss, bark, and ferns. My mom called out, "Get a picture of you and Audrey together."

"What?" I complained, "I haven't brushed my hair or my teeth, I don't have on any makeup, and I have on dad's shirt."

As soon as the words left my month, I realized how incredibly lame they were. I don't think Audrey heard me. I hope she didn't, because not wanting to have your picture taken when you are having fun and doing something cool just because you don't have on makeup and happen to look like a sloppy truck driver is really stupid.

So, I decided to follow Audrey's example and just explore. Be in the moment. Experience joy. I shoved the camera in my pocket and continued the trek down the hill, meeting her and Lindsey. 

I had him take this picture a few minutes later at the bottom of the creek with my very happy, adventurous, funny, smart, kid who continues to teach me how to be a better person every day. I'm smiling in it because I'm so in love with my daughter. I'm smiling because I'm making my mom happy. I'm smiling because I know I just learned another life lesson. I'm smiling because I'm in a very beautiful place in the woods. I'm smiling because this overweight, out of shape, mid-life crisis bag of bones can still get around and enjoy life.

I continued to walk the creek bed, concentrating on not slipping on the wet mossy rocks, one worn shoe in front of the other, grabbing tree branches cold from the previous night's rain for leverage. I looked ahead at Lindsey and Audrey.

I have everything I need. They remind me that I matter.

Ferguson & First Day

The girl on the left was supposed to start first grade in Ferguson today. 

The girl on the right did get to start first grade today.

It was hard to be focused on my own kid this morning. There is just so much wrong.  

When this little girl protesting showed up my twitter feed, I sort of lost it. 

The injustice of the Mike Brown killing by police has been soul-crushing. The militarized over-reaction by police to protesters has been surreal. The slow reaction by elected officials has been depressing. Yet I know so many who are on the right side of this. I hope people outside of St. Louis, but more importantly, the black community here, understand that there are many people who want to see justice and change and are willing to work for it. I totally get why there would be mistrust or apprehension. Events over the last 4-5 days have not offered up stellar examples of compassion. Crap, let's face it. We wiped out the natives who were here and have been oppressing people of color for hundreds of years. Our track record sucks.

But there are swaths of people cleaning up the neighborhood, holding peaceful vigils, interviewing folks who have been directly affected, trying to get the stories out. Last night, I was up until 2am watching live streams and twitter feeds about #Ferguson. Not just friends and acquaintances from around the city, but people all over the world are outraged. It was hard to believe that this was happening. In Ferguson.

When I was just a bit younger than my daughter is now, we would visit my grandparents in Ferguson every week. They lived on Alameda and a trip to the city (sidewalks!) was a big deal to this country kid. My cousins and I would walk to Gasen's drug store or walk down to the church parking lot to play with no cares or worries. Later, my aunt and uncle raised their family on the same street, calling Ferguson home for over 25 years until they retired. For years we would go to Wabash Park to watch fireworks on the Fourth of July. I've always had a nostalgic affection for Ferguson. 

I am just going to keep praying that something much larger and something good comes out of this situation. A real dialogue about race and some real action about race, poverty, education, and how we treat our children (and each other). Maybe I'm naive, but that is all I have to hold on to. The idea of raising my daughter in a country that accepts this kind of systematic abuse of power, that treats the black population (especially black males) like they are completely disposable, is unbearable. But I know I have to do more than pray. I have to take action. I'm not sure what that looks like right now. And I think a lot of people feel this way and are asking, "what can we do?"

I hope the family of Mike Brown and the residents of Ferguson know the world is watching. Change is going to come. There is love in this world. It can prevail. It has to.

Someday is today

All school year, Audrey has wanted me to walk her into her classroom. I casually ask her once every week or so if she wants me to just say goodbye at the front door. And at least once a month I ask if she wants me to let her out in the drop off line. These are my half-hearted attempts to encourage independence. But truth be told, I've loved walking her to her classroom (remember?) and have cherished every morning knowing it would end someday. That someday was today. As I stepped into the classroom and started to hug her goodbye, she said, "You don't have to come in mom."

Crush. 

She was sweet about it. And casual, which I guess she learned from me. 

I'm proud that she is ready to go it alone.

My girl is riding her new bike with pride, showing off how fast and strong she is. 

She's picking up bugs and ants and inspecting them under her magnifying glass.

She's carefully selecting stripe-on-stripe outfits (they match!).

She's making up knock-knock jokes.

She's writing incredible stories.

She's putting on circus shows.

She's breaking my heart every day with her awesomeness.

I didn't know I could love so much until this kid.

Drawing With The Family

Last night after dinner, Audrey was whining to watch something on tv and I was just not having it. So I plopped some leftover asparagus and half an onion from my dinner prep on a big white platter. I had her grab some food out of the fridge. She picked a small butternut squash and avocado. I added the lemon. She was curious about what was happening. I told her to go get her new sketchbook and daddy's too. So then the three of us sat down and got to drawing. Listening to some vintage Michael Franks, it was so serene and weird and fun and satisfying. I am ready for more. And I feel like those two totally schooled me too.

Lost in Living

I stumbled on this trailer yesterday and cried. Powerful and spoke to me. Hope the documentary comes to St. Louis.

Lost In Living (Fundraising Trailer) from Mary Trunk on Vimeo.

Attitude of Gratitude: 22

 

I'm grateful for my little Audrey, who told last night as we snuggled in bed, "Mommy, you smell good. Your face smells good. Your breath smells good. You're the goodest mommy ever." I'll take that. And be oh, so happy with it.

Attitude of Gratitude: 19 & 20

I am grateful for routines. It is almost Thanksgiving and I feel like Audrey and I are finally really hitting our morning groove. We are up most days without complaints or moping. She eats breakfast while watching 30 minutes of television, which allows me to get ready for work. We have a checklist that she eagerly marks before we leave each day. The best part of the morning routine is walking her to her classroom. Most kids ride the bus or are dropped off in the carpool line. But I walk Audrey to her room. She wants me to and for the longest time I did so thinking there would soon come a day when she wouldn't want me to walk her to her room - she'd be embarrassed. But she (thankfully) still wants me to and I cherish this. It has allowed me to get to know her classmates and her teacher better and I have a better sense of the entire school overall. Her friends tell me hello or show off their new shoes or coats, but I stay pretty out of the way and encourage Audrey to hang out with her friends. I want to foster independence, but when you have just one, it is sometimes challenging. I am always thinking that I will only have this experience, this special time or moment once so I prolong it. I savor it. I am so grateful.

Pink. Again.

So Wednesday the local fire department visited Audrey's kindergarten class. They got to sit in the truck and learned all about fire safety. And she came home with a pink hat. I asked, "Did the boys get pink hats too?" Very adamantly she replied, "No. Red is for boys. Pink is for girls."

My stomach sank. Seriously? Are separate hats necessary? What is the rationale? Do real women firefighters wear pink hats? Will girls only where fire hats if they are pink? I know it may seem minor, but I think it just reinforces, at a young age, that girls are different, lesser, softer, not to be taken as seriously.

In college, I had a professor tell me, "This body of work could be shown in any gallery in town right now." Another professor told me it didn't really matter what kind of work I produced because, "you are probably just going to get married anyway." At the time, I remember being angry. But I didn't have the confidence to say, "Fuck off, prick." Instead, I internalized much of misogynistic rhetoric of the entire department. I'd been absorbing it from the culture since childhood. "Boys are doctors. Girls are nurses. Boys take. Girls give." I just kind of accepted what the professor said, without a fight. Feeling lesser, feeling powerless, was just part of my deal in the 90's.

Without any prompts whatsoever from me, when her dad got home and saw the hat, he asked, "Did you get to pick if you wanted a red or a pink hat?" Very adamantly she replied, "No. Red is for boys. Pink is for girls." 

I wasn't quite sure how to turn this into a teachable moment. A lecture from me wasn't going to go far. I think Lindsey said something like, "Too bad they didn't have an orange hat just for you--your favorite color." She said, "But I love pink." So there you have it. The pink hats pander to the audience.  

I know at this age, kids are really into rules. Especially around gender. But that is why I think it is even more critical to not play into the stereotypes. I want my daughter to be able to say to the person handing out the fire hats, "No. I'll take a red one, please." And if I had a son, I'd want him to be able to say, "No. I'll take a pink one, please."

When there are options, they should have a choice. Otherwise, they all get red, equal.

Stupid. Pink. Hats.

 

Sweet Talk

"You smell better than a petunia.
You smell better than bread.
You smell better than a cloud.
You smell better than a bathtub.
You smell better than butterfly breath.
I missed you mama."

Geez. I've been waiting my whole life for someone to say something this sweet to me and I didn't even know it.

This kid. Gaw. I love her to pieces.

First Day

Last night we were in bed by 8:15 but not asleep until almost 11:00. She was so excited. This morning she was doing jumping jacks on the bed..."practicing" for gym class at school. Oh, the energy. Finally, as we got ready to go out the door, reality hit. "What if I miss you today mommy?" 

Hear the sound of my heart breaking.

I told her I love her when I'm with her and I love her when we are far apart. I told her any time she missed us, she should try talking to a new friend. As we walked through the doors of the school, my eyes filled with tears but I didn't want her to see. Gulp. 

Blast off!

Kindergarten Baby

My little ladybug starts kindergarten this week. We attended orientation last night and she is so excited. So far, we have been thrilled with the level of communication and involvement from the school. Sunday we attended a picnic for those new to the school and enjoyed the new outdoor learning space, which was funded by the PTO. To have a garden space with composting and rain barrels will be a great experience. The cherry tomato plants were loaded. Audrey played with several kids and we met some really nice parents. So...here we go!

Back to School

Over at PHD in Parenting yesterday, Annie had a great blog post, Back to School = Back to Gender Roles which highlighted how back to school articles are aimed almost exclusively to moms. When Audrey starts kindergarten next week, I will be increasing my work week from three ten hour days a week, to four shorter days a week. I have not worked four days a week since Audrey was born, so I expect an adjustment period for all of us.

I do 95% of the cooking in our house, mostly because I like to cook and I'm quick. But now that the Lindsey and Audrey will be home two hours in the afternoons before I get home, it makes sense to offload some of the cooking to him (them?). I think it is important for Audrey to see that it isn't only women who cook. As a couple, we share so many domestic duties that I feel she gets a pretty balanced view, but the cooking thing, we need to tackle.

And while on the topic of gender and school, I was kind of amazed and annoyed that the only pencil box options in the stores were pink and blue. I did find a clear one online. Audrey selected all on her own, a solar system backpack and robot lunch box. I'm suspect most of the girls in her class will have some princess or variation. I wonder (worry) that kids will ask her why she has a boy backpack. I think she has the kind of personality that isn't going to care. That is my hope anyway.

Conversation About Princesses

This happened in my car. Audrey and her friend were in the back seat and we had been playing a made up game What am I? which is kind of like a kid's twenty questions.

Friend: "Let's play 'What princess am I?'"

Audrey: "Uh, ok. But my mommy doesn't like princesses."

Me: "Princesses are okay. I just think Wonder Woman is cooler."

Friend: "Wonder Woman?"

Me: "Yeah. She get's to fly and help people and is super strong. What does a princess do?"

Long pause.

Friend: "Well, she's pretty."

Me: "Yeah. But what does she do?"

Long pause.

Friend: "She dances!" she says triumphantly.

Me: "Can she go on hikes? Does she explore? Does she do math or science?"

Friend: "She knows math and science but she doesn't do math and science."

Me: "Why not?"

Friend: "Duh, because she's a princess."

Marriage According To A Five Year Old

"All the time I'm thinking about the boys and girls I want to marry when I grow up."

"Hmmm. Like who?"

"Like Jacob (her cousin), Tommy, and that boy in Mrs. Fresta's class whose name I can't remember."

"Well, what do you think being married will be like?"

"Like lots and lots and lots of flowers all the time."

Summer Schedule

As you may have noticed, I'm taking a little breather from the blog. Summer has us busy and more than once in the last couple of weeks Audrey has said how much she likes to play with me but I always have work to do. I thought about how many times during a week I tell her, "I'll be there in just a minute. First let me ________________{fill in the blank}."

To her ears, loading the dishwasher, throwing clothes in the laundry, and looking up recipes are more important than her. Sure, she can't be first all the time. But I need to take a serious chill pill and put the chores and getting this house "in order" on the back burner. This is the last summer before she starts school and I want to savor this time with her. So, I'm off all week and we are having a staycation with friends coming over for play dates, a trip to the Magic House, a craft project day, and she wants to write a book about her favorite thing, frogs. So, I'm going to focus more on her and less on writing, documenting, etc.

I can't believe how many amazing things she does in a week. She is so observant and has such a keen memory. Out of nowhere, she says to me things like, "Mommy, I love you because of your big smile and how kind you are."  On one had she is so loving, yet she has no qualms about disturbing a colony of ants just to observe and study the chaos, or burying a lighting bug just to see if he lights up the ground. She still maintains that her super power is "Everything. I can run fast. I'm strong. And I never ever give up."

I. love. that. kid.

So, enjoy your summer, kiddos or not.
Wide blue skies dotted with clouds.
Warm sun on your face.
Music.
Water.
Love.

xoa

Maybe he's a monster

So out of nowhere last week, Audrey says to me, "Our family, our friends, and all the people of the whole world are our family and trees are good for the earth." Huh? Where does she get this stuff? I told her she was right and that even when we disagree with people, we have to remember that all the people of the world are part of our family and we have to try to understand them and get along.

Oh, to be tested so soon.

On Monday, late for an appointment and with her in the back seat, I get behind a little pick-up truck littered with offensive stickers including:

• Life's a Bitch...don't vote for one (picture of Hillary Clinton)
• Proud NRA member
• I love cats...they taste like chicken
• The closer you get the slower I go

Trying not to fume, I murmured a disgusted, "Oh, Brother..."

"What mommy?"
"Well Audrey, remember last week when you told me all the people of the world are our family? Well, this guy in front of me has some mean things on his truck and I'm trying to remember that he is part of our world family." (I could barely convince myself of this, but I was trying to set an example.)

Audrey - "What does it say?"
Me - "That he likes to eat cats."
Audrey - "Maybe he just thinks that's funny, mommy."

Pregnant pause as I contemplate how smart and compassionate and optimistic my kid is.
Audrey - "Or maybe he's a monster."

Yes. That it all.

Good and Happy Enough

 {Supernova}

Last weekend I went to a local gift shop and located directly adjacent was Weight Watchers. I hadn't been to a meeting since January and I hadn't been tracking since Thanksgiving. With the move, life has been too busy. And losing 50 pounds has me happy enough. I feel better, move better, sleep better. But I weighed in and then I stayed for the after-meeting, thinking I just should. And that is when things went way south. Behind me was a 17-20 year old perfectly normal sized girl, 100% beautiful. And 50 pounds heavier, she would be wonderful just the way she is. It was the end of her first week on the program and she was lamenting about how hard the week had been for her and about times during the week when she had been "bad".

I'm not afraid to confess, I started crying. Not sobbing, but tears swelled up for sure. This completely healthy normal young girl felt like she wasn't good enough the way she was. Inside I was screaming, "You better run now sister. Run away from all this shit and run towards something important. Don't waste your youth, your life, on body issue crap." I left feeling awful. Not because I'd gained 5 pounds since November. (Who gives a flip?) I felt awful because it all seems so hopeless for girls. From Rehtaeh Parsons and Steubenville, to leaning in and equal pay, it's hard not to worry about the outlook for my girl--the future of all our children, and this is in America where things are exponentially better than for other Women In The World, right? Such bigger issues we need to be working on than our spare tires and flabby thighs.

Later in the week, my friend Jess, posted this link on her Facebook, which I thought was fabulous, if not for the faint of heart. And this Lindy West post is brilliant.

Obviously I don't regret losing the weight I lost last year because I was not healthy and it was all tied to a bunch of other baggage I was carrying around. But I'm a god damned supernova either way. And I'm going to own that more. It is a struggle. I wish I could do more for more girls. I'm doing what I can for my own daughter, but I feel like I'm called to do more. I'm feel compelled to figure it out.

Ideas, anyone?

Will I Be Pretty?

Wow. Can't believe I've never seen this before. Pretty powerful.

Fly Girl Thrift Coat

I bought this vintage suede coat at a thrift store years before I ever met my husband. I knew someday  I would have a girl to wear it. Well. It finally fits. She hates it. I got her to wear it for about five minutes, just long enough to squeeze in a photo shoot. I don't regret hanging on to it because it is so freaking cool. Just seeing her in it for that brief time was worth it. But for the most part, I try not to make a big deal about clothes or the way she looks so if she doesn't like it, we'll pass it along to someone else. Gotta respect her choice on this one, but girl don't know what fly is.