Kids These Days - Change Agents

Audrey (5th grade), Sam (college freshman), Jacob (high school junior)

Today was the last day of summer break. My daughter starts 5th grade tomorrow and since we were on a late summer vacation last week, we did some last minute clothes shopping together. She was goofing so hard in the dressing room we couldn't stop laughing. She can be such a little nut. I'm not even sure what to expect this year because 5TH GRADE GIRLS. But we've had a good run so far so I'm cautiously optimistic. She still hugs me, says she loves my smile, and on occasion tells me that I smell good, so we are solid. I love this kid more every stinking day.

This evening we had a back to school dinner with my brother and nephews. It was completely delightful and relaxing*. I really value hearing their stories about their high school experiences. Tomorrow Jacob starts as a junior and Sam will be moving into his dorm for his first year of college. Things I learned:

• PBLs are so stupid. With project based learning there are always too many slackers and you end up trying to manage the group more than learning anything. 
• Me: "How come everybody thinks your school is so great and in ranks so high?"
  Answer: "Because all the teachers do is teach to the test. That's all they can do. They have hardly any freedom. We rank high because we test high." Examples followed.  
• Dealing with fellow students can be such a strain/drain. Students distract from learning by charging teachers with bias. One student complained he shouldn't have to learn about the suffrage movement and civil rights because "it doesn't effect me and we don't have any black kids in the class," to which my nephew responded with a big loud, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME DUDE?!"

These were kind of discouraging stories. But I'm somewhat buoyed by the fact that they recognize the shortcomings of a large public high school, can articulate the issues and their feelings, and still remain engaged in learning. They are well-rounded guys, interested and interesting. And big surprise, I love them will all my heart.

They provided me with some food for thought as I found out today I've been selected to be on the Student Life Advisory Committee at Lindbergh. This is a new concept for the district. Four committees (Finance, Curriculum & Instruction, Student Life, and Technology) will include community members, parents, board members and district staff members. It will be a two- or three-year term and we'll meet approximately once a month and will report to the Board of Education. I applied because I felt like it would be the best way to make a contribution towards curbing the growing bullying issues in our schools and because I was so moved (to tears) by the testimony at the March board meeting by some of the high school students from SIDE (Students Improving Diversity and Equity).

As an introvert, I would be far more comfortable playing a supporting role, helping out here and there at my convenience. But, that just doesn't feel right at this point in time. I feel called to be more engaged, a change agent. I'm not entirely sure what this will look like and where it will go, but I'm willing to try because increasingly I find these challenges rewarding, through frequently exhausting.

I find myself in these kinds of conflicts often - agreeing to head up projects (Neighborhood Association President, Class Party Lead, Upstanders Anti-Bullying Organization, Neighborhood Book Club Organizer, etc.) and then feeling like I've over-extended myself. I make no time for self-care and as a 51 year old mom of a ten year old, as an introvert who needs down-time to re-charge, I have to manage my time better.

But today, right now, I'm taking time to write a note of gratitude. Today was a very good day. My life is full. I'm surrounded with love and support and am able to give love and support. Here's to the new school year and new challenges.

It is most comfortable to be invisible, to observe life from a distance, at one with our own intoxicating superior thoughts. But comfort and isolation are not where the surprises are. They are not where hope is.”

― Anne Lamott, Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair 

Peace.

*This in spite of the fact that our kitchen faucet started leaking terribly four days before we left on vacation and the warranty part sent to us has been dealing me and the hubs all kinds of trouble in the three days we've been back. The faucet is still not repaired. I have a dishwasher full of dirty dishes, a sink full of dirty dishes, and a counter of dirty pots and pans. And as of 10pm tonight, it still isn't working. I'll be calling a Mr. Fixit tomorrow.  

Loves

Mother's Day 2015

Sunday morning I took a walk in the woods with my mom, my husband, and my daughter. My mom and I lagged behind looking for large rocks for possible excavation, trying to identify a fungus growing on the hickory trees, and admiring the moss and may apples. Lindsey and Audrey were below us, already in the bed of the creek. She was talking a mile a minute and having a blast climbing over the slippery rocks, riding the fallen tree branches, and wildly exploring. She kept calling for me but I was slow not only because the hillside was so steep, but because I was taking pictures of the lichen, moss, bark, and ferns. My mom called out, "Get a picture of you and Audrey together."

"What?" I complained, "I haven't brushed my hair or my teeth, I don't have on any makeup, and I have on dad's shirt."

As soon as the words left my month, I realized how incredibly lame they were. I don't think Audrey heard me. I hope she didn't, because not wanting to have your picture taken when you are having fun and doing something cool just because you don't have on makeup and happen to look like a sloppy truck driver is really stupid.

So, I decided to follow Audrey's example and just explore. Be in the moment. Experience joy. I shoved the camera in my pocket and continued the trek down the hill, meeting her and Lindsey. 

I had him take this picture a few minutes later at the bottom of the creek with my very happy, adventurous, funny, smart, kid who continues to teach me how to be a better person every day. I'm smiling in it because I'm so in love with my daughter. I'm smiling because I'm making my mom happy. I'm smiling because I know I just learned another life lesson. I'm smiling because I'm in a very beautiful place in the woods. I'm smiling because this overweight, out of shape, mid-life crisis bag of bones can still get around and enjoy life.

I continued to walk the creek bed, concentrating on not slipping on the wet mossy rocks, one worn shoe in front of the other, grabbing tree branches cold from the previous night's rain for leverage. I looked ahead at Lindsey and Audrey.

I have everything I need. They remind me that I matter.

Thanksgiving Prayer

The writer Grace Paley was known for her pacifism and political activism. She wrote about the complexities of women's and men's lives and advocated for what she said was the betterment of life for everyone.
Amen

The Poet's Occasional Alternative

I was going to write a poem
I made a pie instead it took
about the same amount of time
of course the pie was a final
draft a poem would have had some
distance to go days and weeks and
much crumpled paper

the pie already had a talking
tumbling audience among small
trucks and a fire engine on
the kitchen floor

everybody will like this pie
it will have apples and cranberries
dried apricots in it many friends
will say why in the world did you
make only one

this does not happen with poems

because of unreportable
sadnesses I decided to
settle this morning for a re-
sponsive eatership I do not
want to wait a week a year a
generation for the right
consumer to come along

Attitude of Gratitude: 29 & 30

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Really relaxing and fun. Then the next morning brought three stray cats that had been dumped at my parent's to Animal House. No shopping other than a quick trip to Junk Junkie. Had dinner out with friends. Today picked up Audrey and then went for a quick adventure to the Magic Door, followed by tree trimming and watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. With Audrey's help, the tree is practically falling over with ornaments. I love the haphazardness of it all. And I am loving this extra time off. I'm grateful for the season. This exercise in a daily gratitude journal has been very helpful to my overall mood and spirit.

Attitude of Gratitude: 28

June 2011

This photo was before we took off for Colorado. A lot has changed in two years and we've had a few health scares, but all is well now. This family is what I'm most grateful for in all the world. Nothing means more.  Looking forward to a relaxing dinner. Love to all.

Attitude of Gratitude: 27

{source}

This is simple. But I am grateful for heat. I hate winter. I hate being cold. Every night I slip into bed with freezing feet and try to warm my body. I can't imagine what it must have been like in pioneer days or to live in a drafty log cabin. I would have been the most miserable being. When I think of the simple things we take for granted every day, like heat and electricity, I know how good I have it. I am grateful.

Attitude of Gratitude: 26

So I'm not so sure the first Thanksgiving was celebrated with Capri Sun and Ritz crackers. But I'm thankful my gal had this experience and that her dad got to share it with her. And I'm also pretty happy about those silver shoes. And I'm happy that I have five days off for Thanksgiving.

Attitude of Gratitude: 25

Little a and Big L have been so patient with me over the last several weeks and such a huge help as we've pulled together to get a lot of the homey touches done on the house. Audrey performed in her kindergarten concert yesterday and was so focused and looked like she was having a grand time. When we got home, she put on her play clothes and super girl mask and was totally wired because we had all the baby shower guests still at our house. She was in rare form. I love my teeny tiny family so much.

Attitude of Gratitude: 24

Well, the baby shower turned out lovely. I'm thankful for the amazing bakeries in town (SweetArt Cafe and Pint Size Bakery) and for this recipe, which was a TKO. And nothing like throwing a party to propel you into action on all your home projects. I loved spending the afternoon with these people and need to have friends over more often. Now that things are cozier, I feel like I can. This house was full of a whole bunch of love today. I am so excited for Katy and Patrick and can't wait to squeeze on that little bee-bop-baby. I'm feeling pretty prepared for the next few weekends, which will be full of guests. The big annual shopping weekend with my aunts and cousins is just around the corner and then Audrey's birthday party. Thankful for my sweet family for lending a hand so often during the last few weeks so I could pull this party off. To bed I go.

Attitude of Gratitude: 23

These people.

Attitude of Gratitude: 22

 

I'm grateful for my little Audrey, who told last night as we snuggled in bed, "Mommy, you smell good. Your face smells good. Your breath smells good. You're the goodest mommy ever." I'll take that. And be oh, so happy with it.

Attitude of Gratitude: 21

{2004 Holga double exposure, Laguna Gloria, Austin, TX}

Today I am thankful that I have come to a place in my life where I don't freak out about my job all the time. My job is stressful. And it isn't going to get any easier in the coming months. All I can do is all I can do. I want it to be better. To be different. But I haven't figured it out yet. And that is ok. I know I will.

Attitude of Gratitude: 19 & 20

I am grateful for routines. It is almost Thanksgiving and I feel like Audrey and I are finally really hitting our morning groove. We are up most days without complaints or moping. She eats breakfast while watching 30 minutes of television, which allows me to get ready for work. We have a checklist that she eagerly marks before we leave each day. The best part of the morning routine is walking her to her classroom. Most kids ride the bus or are dropped off in the carpool line. But I walk Audrey to her room. She wants me to and for the longest time I did so thinking there would soon come a day when she wouldn't want me to walk her to her room - she'd be embarrassed. But she (thankfully) still wants me to and I cherish this. It has allowed me to get to know her classmates and her teacher better and I have a better sense of the entire school overall. Her friends tell me hello or show off their new shoes or coats, but I stay pretty out of the way and encourage Audrey to hang out with her friends. I want to foster independence, but when you have just one, it is sometimes challenging. I am always thinking that I will only have this experience, this special time or moment once so I prolong it. I savor it. I am so grateful.

Attitude of Gratitude: 18

Today I am grateful for being. That is all.

Attitude of Gratitude: 17

Today, I am thankful for our basement, where Audrey painted on canvas in just her undies for a good half hour while I sewed garland. I love being able to craft together downstairs, to spread out and make a mess.

Attitude of Gratitude: 16

Tried the new Courtesy Diner this morning that just open down the street from us. Even though we are without Audrey today, we woke up early so decided to go out for breakfast. Lindsey has been raking leaves since 8:30 a.m. It is sort of ridiculous. I have been painting since 8:30 a.m. It is sort of ridiculous. But I am grateful for this work day.

Attitude of Gratitude: 15

One year ago around this time, we put in our offer on this house. We've been here not quite a year. I am so grateful for our house, our neighborhood, and Audrey's school. It has been the perfect place for us to settle in and get cozy. We have a lot of projects still slated, but um, I love projects. It is really feeling like home. We have room to have Audrey's birthday party at our house, in the basement, with a piñata (that is all she cares about--the  piñata). I'm having a baby shower for a friend next weekend. I finally have curtains up, so yeah. We're getting there. Happily. Ever. After. 

Attitude of Gratitude: 14

I'm thankful today and every day for Lindsey. Never ashamed to wear his Cookie Monster or Mr. Rodgers t-shirts from Audrey. He is the most awesome dad - so patient and present. Love. Love. Love.

Attitude of Gratitude: 13

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My cold continues. Today I am grateful for handkerchiefs, tissues, and chicken and dumplings.