Magazines for Girls

When I was growing up, there weren't a lot of magazines aimed at girls. I read Seventeen and then graduated to Vogue, Elle, and the like, all checked out from the library. Those magazines did little for my self-esteem. When I look at them now, they're kind of horrifying.

Luckily I was a voracious and non-discriminating reader skipping from classics like Grapes of Wrath and Nicholas and Alexandra to the trashier Mommie Dearest and Valley of the Dolls. My college years introduced me to a slew of new writers, both in fiction and poetry, along with a burgeoning zine scene. I had a broad range of influences to help counter-balance the mainstream crapola. I have always loved reading and of late, haven't been making it a priority. The hole this leaves is wide and dry.

My almost nine year old loves books of all kinds but has a penchant for non-fiction and graphic novels. She enjoys quiz books and anything highlighting weird but true facts. Her grandparents have gifted her subscriptions over the years to Puzzle Buzz, Highlights, and National Geographic for Kids. All were adored.

I'm excited about a few new magazines aimed at young girls and tweens that seem to offer a lot more than the typical hair, fashion, and boy advice of the magazines of my youth.

Kazoo is a quarterly magazine for girls 5-10 years old and started by writer and editor Erin Bried and her own 5 year old daughter. We subscribed and got the second issue a couple of weeks ago. The theme is nature and it is full of great activities and stories. We are loving it. Scary Mommy has a great profile of the magazine.

Bright Lite is another new quarterly magazine for pre-teen girls. The founders, Christa Renee and Ami Komai, are both Los Angeles moms and have created a journal for girls by girls. Here's an interview with the founders. I just contributed to their Kickstarter so should be getting the first two issues soon.

Kazoo and Brite Lite are undoubtedly influenced by Tavi Gevinson's Rookie, an online magazine aimed at teens, but often transcending that demographic. Stylistically they rely on artwork from girls presented with a sophisticated zine quality.

These magazines aren't cheap, ranging from $50-60 for quarterly subscriptions. I'm not suggesting in any way they aren't worth it, but if that is hard to justify, you might see if your library has them or share a subscription with a friend.

Discovery Girls looks slicker and not quite as hip, but claims a readership of over one million girls world-wide. Consumerism is downplayed and it focuses on how to be a good friend and make good choices. It comes out six times a year and is about $20. I'm glad it is an option and I'm going to look for it at the library to see if it is something Audrey would like.

I'm sure there are more out there and more to come. I'd love to hear about your favorites.

Entrepreneur Barbie Misses Mark In So Many Ways

Just in case anyone thought a ten day vacation was going to mellow me...are the women in this video actually serious?

“…exactly what we need to inspire a generation of young women to start opening their own businesses…” (Barbie?)

“…a role model and icon in the form of an entrepreneur is so exciting and the best form of inspiration…” (Really? Barbie is the best we can do?)

“…that looks like me, I can be that too…” (Who really looks like Barbie?)

“…dream big, you can be anything you want to be…don’t be afraid to take risks…don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something…” (Newsflash...no matter how hard I would ever dream or workout, I am not going to look like Barbie.)

And they are using #unapologetic. Really?

Additional commentary

Mostly, becoming a female entrepreneur is about having the confidence to take risks. And handing young girls misproportioned dolls who give them a skewed view of what's beautiful probably isn't going to help there.  Carrie Kerpen of Inc. 

“Playing with Barbie has an effect on girls’ ideas about their place in the world,” says Aurora Sherman, an associate professor in the School of Psychological Science at OSU. “It creates a limit on the sense of what’s possible for their future.” Sherman’s study of a sample of girls ages 4 to 7 found that girls who played with Barbie thought they could do fewer jobs than boys could do. But girls who played with Mrs. Potato Head reported nearly the same number of possible careers for themselves and for boys. There was no difference in results between girls who played with a Barbie wearing a dress and the career-focused, doctor version of the doll.

More from I-Chun Chen at bizjournals.com

Pink. Again.

So Wednesday the local fire department visited Audrey's kindergarten class. They got to sit in the truck and learned all about fire safety. And she came home with a pink hat. I asked, "Did the boys get pink hats too?" Very adamantly she replied, "No. Red is for boys. Pink is for girls."

My stomach sank. Seriously? Are separate hats necessary? What is the rationale? Do real women firefighters wear pink hats? Will girls only where fire hats if they are pink? I know it may seem minor, but I think it just reinforces, at a young age, that girls are different, lesser, softer, not to be taken as seriously.

In college, I had a professor tell me, "This body of work could be shown in any gallery in town right now." Another professor told me it didn't really matter what kind of work I produced because, "you are probably just going to get married anyway." At the time, I remember being angry. But I didn't have the confidence to say, "Fuck off, prick." Instead, I internalized much of misogynistic rhetoric of the entire department. I'd been absorbing it from the culture since childhood. "Boys are doctors. Girls are nurses. Boys take. Girls give." I just kind of accepted what the professor said, without a fight. Feeling lesser, feeling powerless, was just part of my deal in the 90's.

Without any prompts whatsoever from me, when her dad got home and saw the hat, he asked, "Did you get to pick if you wanted a red or a pink hat?" Very adamantly she replied, "No. Red is for boys. Pink is for girls." 

I wasn't quite sure how to turn this into a teachable moment. A lecture from me wasn't going to go far. I think Lindsey said something like, "Too bad they didn't have an orange hat just for you--your favorite color." She said, "But I love pink." So there you have it. The pink hats pander to the audience.  

I know at this age, kids are really into rules. Especially around gender. But that is why I think it is even more critical to not play into the stereotypes. I want my daughter to be able to say to the person handing out the fire hats, "No. I'll take a red one, please." And if I had a son, I'd want him to be able to say, "No. I'll take a pink one, please."

When there are options, they should have a choice. Otherwise, they all get red, equal.

Stupid. Pink. Hats.

 

Back to School

Over at PHD in Parenting yesterday, Annie had a great blog post, Back to School = Back to Gender Roles which highlighted how back to school articles are aimed almost exclusively to moms. When Audrey starts kindergarten next week, I will be increasing my work week from three ten hour days a week, to four shorter days a week. I have not worked four days a week since Audrey was born, so I expect an adjustment period for all of us.

I do 95% of the cooking in our house, mostly because I like to cook and I'm quick. But now that the Lindsey and Audrey will be home two hours in the afternoons before I get home, it makes sense to offload some of the cooking to him (them?). I think it is important for Audrey to see that it isn't only women who cook. As a couple, we share so many domestic duties that I feel she gets a pretty balanced view, but the cooking thing, we need to tackle.

And while on the topic of gender and school, I was kind of amazed and annoyed that the only pencil box options in the stores were pink and blue. I did find a clear one online. Audrey selected all on her own, a solar system backpack and robot lunch box. I'm suspect most of the girls in her class will have some princess or variation. I wonder (worry) that kids will ask her why she has a boy backpack. I think she has the kind of personality that isn't going to care. That is my hope anyway.

Conversation About Princesses

This happened in my car. Audrey and her friend were in the back seat and we had been playing a made up game What am I? which is kind of like a kid's twenty questions.

Friend: "Let's play 'What princess am I?'"

Audrey: "Uh, ok. But my mommy doesn't like princesses."

Me: "Princesses are okay. I just think Wonder Woman is cooler."

Friend: "Wonder Woman?"

Me: "Yeah. She get's to fly and help people and is super strong. What does a princess do?"

Long pause.

Friend: "Well, she's pretty."

Me: "Yeah. But what does she do?"

Long pause.

Friend: "She dances!" she says triumphantly.

Me: "Can she go on hikes? Does she explore? Does she do math or science?"

Friend: "She knows math and science but she doesn't do math and science."

Me: "Why not?"

Friend: "Duh, because she's a princess."

Good and Happy Enough

 {Supernova}

Last weekend I went to a local gift shop and located directly adjacent was Weight Watchers. I hadn't been to a meeting since January and I hadn't been tracking since Thanksgiving. With the move, life has been too busy. And losing 50 pounds has me happy enough. I feel better, move better, sleep better. But I weighed in and then I stayed for the after-meeting, thinking I just should. And that is when things went way south. Behind me was a 17-20 year old perfectly normal sized girl, 100% beautiful. And 50 pounds heavier, she would be wonderful just the way she is. It was the end of her first week on the program and she was lamenting about how hard the week had been for her and about times during the week when she had been "bad".

I'm not afraid to confess, I started crying. Not sobbing, but tears swelled up for sure. This completely healthy normal young girl felt like she wasn't good enough the way she was. Inside I was screaming, "You better run now sister. Run away from all this shit and run towards something important. Don't waste your youth, your life, on body issue crap." I left feeling awful. Not because I'd gained 5 pounds since November. (Who gives a flip?) I felt awful because it all seems so hopeless for girls. From Rehtaeh Parsons and Steubenville, to leaning in and equal pay, it's hard not to worry about the outlook for my girl--the future of all our children, and this is in America where things are exponentially better than for other Women In The World, right? Such bigger issues we need to be working on than our spare tires and flabby thighs.

Later in the week, my friend Jess, posted this link on her Facebook, which I thought was fabulous, if not for the faint of heart. And this Lindy West post is brilliant.

Obviously I don't regret losing the weight I lost last year because I was not healthy and it was all tied to a bunch of other baggage I was carrying around. But I'm a god damned supernova either way. And I'm going to own that more. It is a struggle. I wish I could do more for more girls. I'm doing what I can for my own daughter, but I feel like I'm called to do more. I'm feel compelled to figure it out.

Ideas, anyone?

Will I Be Pretty?

Wow. Can't believe I've never seen this before. Pretty powerful.

Fly Girl Thrift Coat

I bought this vintage suede coat at a thrift store years before I ever met my husband. I knew someday  I would have a girl to wear it. Well. It finally fits. She hates it. I got her to wear it for about five minutes, just long enough to squeeze in a photo shoot. I don't regret hanging on to it because it is so freaking cool. Just seeing her in it for that brief time was worth it. But for the most part, I try not to make a big deal about clothes or the way she looks so if she doesn't like it, we'll pass it along to someone else. Gotta respect her choice on this one, but girl don't know what fly is.

Raising a Daughter: Part II

I am enjoying the attention around gender neutral toys, brought to the forefront this Christmas when a 13 year old New Jersey girl, McKenna Pope, tried to buy an Easy Bake Oven for her brother. When her only option was a flowery purple and pink model, she started a petition aimed at the maker, Hasbro. Now famous chefs, like Bobby Flay are weighing in on the debate. And earlier this year, I read with glee about Harrod's gender neutral toy department.

I follow this issue because we are trying to raise a strong and confident daughter. The challenges are many. We don't have any princess gear, books, or movies. We have a few fairy wings and wands gifted to us. But she gets princess crap in her preschool treat bags. She's exposed at friends. It is unavoidable. She's asked for a Snow White doll for Christmas. 

For the most part, I think we are providing a good balance. She's an adventurous, inquisitive kid. She picks up worms and bugs. She loves maps and books about anatomy. She doesn't demand to wear only pink or dresses. In fact, she hates ruffles. She says when I wear lipstick I'm a "pretty mommy". But lately, I sort of correct her with responses like, "Mommy is pretty all of the time--when I get up in the morning or when I'm tired or even after a bad day." Not because I'm particularly vain. Oh brother, I'm not. But I want her to believe that being pretty is more about confidence and feeling secure and doing good - not looking good. And I want to believe it too.

She turns five next week. I am trying to not hover as much. I'm trying to provide her more autonomy. I want to honor who she is. Who she is becoming. I said it earlier this week and meant it wholeheartedly. I can't get enough of her awesome. She teaches me more than I will ever teach her.

I love Jada Pinkett Smith's recent response to critics who questioned why she would "LET" her daughter, Willow, cut her hair.

"Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be." 

Wow. That second sentence. Pretty powerful.

So, I'll think about Snow White some more and consider why it bothers me so. And probably get it for her. And we'll talk about it. And it will end up in a pile of other dolls she rarely plays with. Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday. My darling daughter.

Girls & Media