Last weekend I went to a local gift shop and located directly adjacent was Weight Watchers. I hadn't been to a meeting since January and I hadn't been tracking since Thanksgiving. With the move, life has been too busy. And losing 50 pounds has me happy enough. I feel better, move better, sleep better. But I weighed in and then I stayed for the after-meeting, thinking I just should. And that is when things went way south. Behind me was a 17-20 year old perfectly normal sized girl, 100% beautiful. And 50 pounds heavier, she would be wonderful just the way she is. It was the end of her first week on the program and she was lamenting about how hard the week had been for her and about times during the week when she had been "bad".
I'm not afraid to confess, I started crying. Not sobbing, but tears swelled up for sure. This completely healthy normal young girl felt like she wasn't good enough the way she was. Inside I was screaming, "You better run now sister. Run away from all this shit and run towards something important. Don't waste your youth, your life, on body issue crap." I left feeling awful. Not because I'd gained 5 pounds since November. (Who gives a flip?) I felt awful because it all seems so hopeless for girls. From Rehtaeh Parsons and Steubenville, to leaning in and equal pay, it's hard not to worry about the outlook for my girl--the future of all our children, and this is in America where things are exponentially better than for other Women In The World, right? Such bigger issues we need to be working on than our spare tires and flabby thighs.
Later in the week, my friend Jess, posted this link on her Facebook, which I thought was fabulous, if not for the faint of heart. And this Lindy West post is brilliant.
Obviously I don't regret losing the weight I lost last year because I was not healthy and it was all tied to a bunch of other baggage I was carrying around. But I'm a god damned supernova either way. And I'm going to own that more. It is a struggle. I wish I could do more for more girls. I'm doing what I can for my own daughter, but I feel like I'm called to do more. I'm feel compelled to figure it out.
Ideas, anyone?