I am enjoying the attention around gender neutral toys, brought to the forefront this Christmas when a 13 year old New Jersey girl, McKenna Pope, tried to buy an Easy Bake Oven for her brother. When her only option was a flowery purple and pink model, she started a petition aimed at the maker, Hasbro. Now famous chefs, like Bobby Flay are weighing in on the debate. And earlier this year, I read with glee about Harrod's gender neutral toy department.
I follow this issue because we are trying to raise a strong and confident daughter. The challenges are many. We don't have any princess gear, books, or movies. We have a few fairy wings and wands gifted to us. But she gets princess crap in her preschool treat bags. She's exposed at friends. It is unavoidable. She's asked for a Snow White doll for Christmas.
For the most part, I think we are providing a good balance. She's an adventurous, inquisitive kid. She picks up worms and bugs. She loves maps and books about anatomy. She doesn't demand to wear only pink or dresses. In fact, she hates ruffles. She says when I wear lipstick I'm a "pretty mommy". But lately, I sort of correct her with responses like, "Mommy is pretty all of the time--when I get up in the morning or when I'm tired or even after a bad day." Not because I'm particularly vain. Oh brother, I'm not. But I want her to believe that being pretty is more about confidence and feeling secure and doing good - not looking good. And I want to believe it too.
She turns five next week. I am trying to not hover as much. I'm trying to provide her more autonomy. I want to honor who she is. Who she is becoming. I said it earlier this week and meant it wholeheartedly. I can't get enough of her awesome. She teaches me more than I will ever teach her.
I love Jada Pinkett Smith's recent response to critics who questioned why she would "LET" her daughter, Willow, cut her hair.
"Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be."
Wow. That second sentence. Pretty powerful.
So, I'll think about Snow White some more and consider why it bothers me so. And probably get it for her. And we'll talk about it. And it will end up in a pile of other dolls she rarely plays with. Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday. My darling daughter.